Friends, I'm sorry

So many lies, so many secrets, so much happiness, so much sadness, It's always complicated and build up wit so many different things. Never ok, always bad or good.

Much happens all the time. I never taught about how much you actually have to lie to become something. Who can you trust, who can't you trust?

I got a girl laughing in my face; "you don't have any friends!"

So many words fighter in my head. So what if I don't?! Is that a problem?! I been without friends for so many years and it will come more lonely years for my dream! It's not a problem to be alone!

But, I couldn’t say it. Other words suddenly stop me and so many flashbacks.
I.. have friends.. people who actually care about me.. sometimes some of them really put me in trouble.. but they always comes there to hold me up. People that never would do something on purpose to hurt.

I wanted to start cry. Why haven't I seen this before? I really think I'm always alone.. I always get so surprised when people reach out a helping hand.

I want to give them all something back.. but I have no idea about what..

If someone saw the girl and me fight, I think they would say she "won", doesn’t matter, when I realises/think to much at the same time my dyslectic makes me quiet. That's why I have problem to speak load in the classes.

She just wanted me to try hurt her so she cud get a laugh.. I just wanted to make sure a friend didn’t get in to really old stuff I almost myself forgot about.

I got mad, because she didn’t even listen on what I said, she just wanted me tog to get more mad. As a reflex I grab her neck and hair, something I always did on my sister when she didn’t listen to me. It’s a thing that just gives a little bit second pain to make the person listen, nothing that gives any wounds. Tho, they all got scared and taught I would slap her face.

Just because I have a different style don't I hit people.

I guess this was one of the best things that happen, I realised so much stuff that made me so happy inside. Everyone in the room cud laugh if they wanted, it didn’t matter, people can talk about this for years, it doesn’t matter.

I actually wanted to say "thank you".
We had test right after. This is the first time I never cried on a test. I couldn’t, just thought about stuff that waited on me and noticed I know much more than I expected.

After a lovly time in Akihabara with a friend I noticed a mail that made me even more happier. I'm now going to study so hard that my fingers will start to bleed. I'm so loonging while i watch some cartoon and cosplay books I got for free. Soon I will be there.

Thank you all for support and help.